Unless you are a fellow empath, you cannot understand what it is like. How difficult it is to negotiate relationships in your life, any relationship (with a significant other, friend, colleague, family member).
The phrase “it cuts like a knife,” is a constant feeling. A prick to some, feels like a knife to my heart. Just one word, means a million more than you think. A cut that would be described as a centimeter, feels a mile wide to me.
In being an empath, I have to keep most people and events out of my life, my viewpoint, off my brain. Otherwise, they can weigh on me like an elephant sitting on my shoulders. A simple shift in conversation, a tone, a look, all these things can hurt me more than others mean them to.
I take every single thing to heart. I have had many people in my life tell me not to take things so personally, not to take them to heart. I have no other way to take things.
I can remember when I was 15… 9/11 happened. I was devastated. I sat in front of the tv for hours, sobbing. It physically hurt me to watch all of those people in pain and to know everything they were going through. I had no idea at that time that there was a name for my superhuman emotions, but I know it now, and I still remember that day vividly.
I often feel what someone is feeling whether I know them or not, whether I have personally gone through what they have gone through. I can feel their emotions coming out of them and it effects me, too.
It is an exhausting life. A confusing one. A hurtful one.
When you have no idea what people really mean or feel by these tiny changes in what they say or how they at them, you rarely know where you stand. It’s very difficult to navigate through life not knowing where people actually place you and where you feel as if you are.
This is especially hard when you get dumped. By a friend, or anyone else. You are never sure of why and what happened. It just hurts so horribly.
I suppose this is part of the reason I tend not to trust people. If I don’t let you in, you can’t hurt me when you go. And you will go, because my emotions will be too big for you. They are too big for everyone.
They are too big for me.
My Life in my Words 